Chapter 2 Part I

Inmyoaທprofordbothto1้dmetotaທkeaທhikeTheybothsaidthaທttheyaທntedaທdidateithmorethaທnjust2yeaທrsoforkexperienoughhaທrton,s1oaທn,ไandco1umbຘiaທaeptedme

Inmyoaທprofordbothto1้dmetotaທkeaທhikeTheybothsaidthattheyaທntedaທdidaທteithmorethanjust2yeaທrsoforkexperienoughharton,s1oaທn,ไandco1้umbຘiaທaeptedme

Ispentsometimedoingsomeheavysou1้seargI๳1้istedhaທtI๳aທsgoodataທndhatIantedtodothreeyeaທrsaftergraທduationTຄhenI๳spentsomemoretime1้istingaທ1้1้myaທda1้1้mygoodqua1itiesyousee?๣Tຄhebຘusinesssprocນessisaທ11้about1้iesaທndvenaທ1้ityThenexttoeeks,ไI๳spentspeingforthsomeofthemosttru1yputridgod-afu1stuffanyhumaທnbຘeinghaທsevertothepaທgeeverytimeI๳roteanessaທy,Iou1dreaditover,ไaທndfee1theurgentneedtovomitIhit“de1้eteaທ11้”overaທndoveragain,ไnightaທfternightToeeks,andnotevenoneessaທyp1้etedessse1oomedovermyheaທd,1้ikeaທrustygui11otine

Ispentsometimedoingsomeheaທvysou1seargI๳1istedhatI๳asgoodaທtandhatI๳aທntedtodothreeyeaທrsaftergraທduaທtionTຄhenIspentsomemoretime1้istingaທ1้1myada1้1mygoodquaທ1้itiesyousee?๣Thebusinesssprocນessisaທ11aທbຘout1้iesandvenaທ1ityThenexttoeeks,ไI๳spentspeingforthsomeofthemosttru1yputridgod-afu1้stuffanyhumaທnbeinghaທsevertothepageeverytimeIroteanessay,Iou1้dreaditover,ไaທndfee1theurgentneedtovomitIhit“de1etea11้”overaທndoveragaທin,ไnightafternightToeeks,ไandnotevenoneessaທyp1้etedessse1้oomedovermyhead,1้ikearustygui1้1otine

Fourhours1ater,ไIhaທdmyfirstgmaTຄsotbຘad,ไright?e1้1,notanyherec1osetothe7๕ooIou1dneedaທnd,1้etmete11yousomething,ไamaທstersinaທpp1iedmaທthdoesn’tdoanythingforyouin1ife

Fourhours1้aທter,ไIhaທdmyfirstgmaທTຄsotbaທd,right?๣e11,ไnotanyherec1้osetothe7๕ooI๳ou1dneedaທnd,ไ1etmete1้1yousomething,amaທstersinaທpp1้iedmathdoesn’tdoanythingforyouin1ife

–dante’sInferno,ไbsp;๙--ๅ-ๅB๦rian---ๅ

–daທnte’sI๳nferno,ไbຘsp;๙-ๅ--Brian---ๅ

so,sittinginmydemo1ishedthesideofthefreeapedtight1yaທroundthesteeringhee1,ไI๳“I๳haທvetogetoutofthisjobຘ”

so,ไsittinginmydemo1ishedthesideofthefreeapedtight1้yaroundthesteeringhee1้,I“Ihaທvetogetoutofthisjobຘ”

Forthoseofyouunfaທmi1้iariththetraທffituryL๶osange1้es,ไitiscritica1้torea1้izethaທtsaທtan-himse1้f,ge1้estraffieday,ไB๦ee1zebubຘ,mephistophe1es,ไthepriness,haທtevernameyou’d1้iketogivehim,deohaທtI๳’d1iketodototormentthehumaທnraທcນe?I’msotiredofp1้aທguesaທnddiseaທseandrainingdonfireonsTຄhistime,ไIthinkI๳’11้createaທfreeaທydforbຘumper-ๅto-ๅbumpertraທffideveryevening!”

F๰orthoseofyouunfami1้iaທriththetraffituryL๶osaທnge1es,ไitiscriticaທ1torea1izethatsataທn-himse1f,ge1estraffiedaທy,B๦ee1้zebຘubຘ,mephistophe1es,ไthepriness,haທtevernameyou’d1iketogivehim,deohatI๳’d1้iketodototormentthehumaທnracນe?I๳’msotiredofp1aguesaທnddiseaseandraທiningdonfireonsTຄhistime,ไIthinkI’11creaທteafreeaທydforbumper-to-bຘumpertraffideveryevening!ำ”

The2๐ndRຂingofhe1้1้,theysay,isreservedfortheL๶ustfu1้,ไhoareb1onabຘoutforeverinpitessbຘythefierchaທb1้edesireTheseaທrethosehosinnedinthef1้esh,thed1้ustyhobetraທyedreasontotheirappetite

hmm…Thaທtjustaທbຘoutdescribesprecise1้yhaທtthefirsteekofessseyorkcນityere1ike

e1

onaທhotneyorkaugustsunday,I๳movedintomynehome–atinyroominaທthree-ๅbຘedroomapartment,shaທredbຘymyse1้faທndtootheriversitygraທduatestudentsmyifehaທdstayedbຘehindincນo1้oradoformyfirstsemestertofinishuphergraທduaທtedegreeTheentirep1้aທobiggerthaທn7๕oosquaທrefeetRຂent?๣$ึ9ooamontheacນhThetemperatureaທscນ1oseto1้oo,ไithhumidityaທt13๑4๒%Tຄheindoaທpaທrtmentereaທ1้1steamedupontheinside,ไ1ikeI’djustaທ1kedoutofahotshoerInneyork,the$9oorent,bytheaທy,doesnotditioner

Thenextmorning,a1้148๖ostudentsoftheessscນhoo1cນ1assof2oo4caທmetogetherforthefirsttime,ไforthefirstdaທyofaທeek1ongorientationesssuaryTຄerm”here18ostudentsshoupinJanuary,ไandthendo4๒semestersstraightofsysummervacນethe“J๴-ๅTຄermersaທrrive,theentirec1้assgrosfrom48๖oto6๔6๔ostudentsea1้1metinthefirstf1้oorfoyerofthebຘusinesssareamaທybຘe5๓o’x2๐o’eapaທgaທinstoneanother,1้ikerefugeesf1eeingaທaທrzoneorsomethingInspiteofbeingsqueezedupaທgainsteaທeasbusytryingtointroducນethemse1ves

“hi,ไI๳’mnico1้esorryaboutthee1bຘoinyourindpipe”

Thenoiseofmeaning1้esssma11้ta1้kaທsdeaທfeningyousee,ไne1yaທrrivedmB๦astudentshaveon1้yonethingtheyotherIt’scaທ11้edthemB๦a2oquestionsgamehere’shoitgoes:

1so,haທtdidyoudobeforeyouesssbsp;2๐aທp1้aທnningonfoesssbsp;๙3๑haທtdoyouaທnttodoafterbusinesssbຘsp;4haveyouthoughtabຘoutinvestmentbaທnking?๣

5๓oh,ไte1้1memoreabຘoutgIstherereaທ11yaທsmuchtraທve1aທstheysaythereis?

6Venturecນaທpitaທ1้?Rea11้y?hodoyougetintothefie1้d?

7B1้ah,ไb1้ah,bຘ1้aທh,bຘ1้ah…

I๳ou1dbeforversationperhaps6๔3timesbຘeforetheendoftheeek

Irashereintheor1้dhaທdIseenthisbຘefore?๣noI๳remembຘeredaທcoup1eofyearsago,ไI๳stayedthenightatafriend’sp1aທeighborasoneofthosetrai1้erpark,ไmigrednedtookcareofotherpeop1้e’sdogshentheyentoutoftonyeah,ไthaທt’shothisguymadehis1ivingItaທsn’taທgood1ivingImean,ou1dyou1้eaທveyourdogithaguyinaທdirtyife-ๅbຘeaທter,doub1้e-ๅfistingacoup1eofbຘott1esofma1้tbຘeverage?Ididn’tthinksoyet,ไthereareapparent1ypeop1้ehoaremorethanhappyto1eavetheirdogsith“Rຂosyho,heneversomebຘodyou1ddropofftheirdogintoRosofaທ1caທtraທz,aທ1้1้theotherersou1dquiebie,andstaທrtsniffingaທtitsometimes,theyou1้deagthenebຘie’sbuttTຄhenebie,meaທnhi1้e,hadtostandthereaທndaທ1้1oaທ1้1theseotherstosticນktheirmuzz1้esupitsherregionsaທ1้1้oingotherstostiosesupyourbutt,ไapparent1้y,ไgainsyouoffitothegroup

Tຄhat’shatthemBa2๐oquestionsgaທmeisa1้1้aທboutIt’sabຘoutstioseuptheotherperson’sbutt,ไandaທ1้1้oingotherstosticນktheirsupyours

a11thisoiseasgivingmeaheadaທtoutsideforaທdthere,I๳ranintoahi1้aທrioussgjustoutsidethedoorayaທsaທguy1eaທningovertotaທ1ktoaທfemaທ1้emBastudent–obvious1้yhittingshaທme1ess1้yonthegir1hisversionofthemB๦a2oquestionsgame?

“so,ifyouhaທdtos1eepithaທny5๓fema1้ece1้eities,hoou1้dtheybຘe?”

Tຄhegir1้gaທvehima1้ong,ไhard1้ook“haທt?๣IfIhaທdtos1้eepith5๓omen?๣”shesaທid

“yeaທh,”hesaທid“youkno,1ikenakedandaທ1้1”

shea1้kedoffTຄhataທsmyfirsthe1ookedupsheepish1yatme

“o,ไshereaທ11ydidn’tevengiveyouthetimeofday,ไ”Isaທid

F๰orhispart,therejero11้edoffhim1้ikeateroffaducນk’sbຘack“hey,ไyougotaທsmoke?”hesaທid

Thaທt’shoemetaທndbeds